How I Kept From Going Crazy in the Hospital

Are you curious about what one does for 2 weeks in the hospital? I was when I realized I would be there for awhile...I wondered, what the heck will I do to keep from going stir crazy? I asked my friend, Brooke, who was in for a week, and she said she read a lot, watched DVD's, had visitors, slept a lot, and made sure her hair was washed. So that gave me a little hope that it didn't have to be all that bad. And to be honest, it really wasn't. Sure, the first day was quite rough, and Jake slept by my side in a recliner in the ICU, and I was out of it for most of Saturday, but it got much better after that. (I started this post like a month ago, and just wanted to finish it so that I have a record of this oh so memorable time in my life).

My first room was in the ICU on the 6th floor of LDS Hospital. Bless those sweet nurses and CNA's. Anyone who does that for a living needs a medal and tons of appreciation! Before now I never realized how much they do. Anyways, since I wasn't doing well on Saturday morning, Dad rallied the troops and my siblings spent the whole day there. Bless their hearts. They went back and forth between the waiting room and the ICU until I was doing better that afternoon, and then they went out to get some things for me. Nathan took our laptop and printed off tons of pictures to hang all around my room, Bree and Britt got me some mango Burt's Bees chapstick which saved my lips and my tastebuds those first few days, and the new Ellen book called "Seriously...I'm Kidding". They would read that to me since my eyes didn't work. It really is a funny book, by the way...I love Ellen's innocent sarcasm and nerdy humor.

So my room started feeling a little more homey, and even though the dang TV didn't have TLC or other good cable channels (Food Network, HGTV), there were happy movies playing all weekend. On Saturday night, my mom walked in after taking an emergency flight from Philadelphia, and all of a sudden our whole family was together again. It was wonderful. We all visited for a few hours, crammed in that room with Dad sitting on the toilet in the middle of the room, and things seemed right in the world. I must have just taken more Morphine towards the end, because I don't remember much of the beautiful family prayer that Nathan offered. Dad asked him to do it because he knew he wouldn't be able to get through it. The spirit was strong, though, and that was a special night.

Please excuse my ridiculous appearance. I had to wear an oxygen mask for the first couple days, and was hooked to everything possible. Cute family picture though, huh?

The days kind of all run together, so I don't remember who exactly came to visit when. But at some point, my sweet in-laws who were watching the girls that whole week, brought Cami and Lexi to visit. Cami was afraid of me at first, and didn't want to come near me with all those tubes and IV and oxygen in my nose. But she slowly got used to it and found out that hospitals are kind of fun cuz she gets popsicles and snacks when she goes. (The snacks consisted of Lorna Doone cookies, Oreos, or graham crackers, and I craved those little treasures the whole time I was there!)

Sunday was spent in the ICU still, and Mom had slept in the recliner next to my bed the night before. It was a huge comfort to have her there. There's nothing like having Mom by your side when you're sick. A lovely couple from the LDS branch that serves in the hospital brought the sacrament to my room that morning, and although I couldn't partake, I appreciated the spirit and the prayers. There were lots of visitors that came that day, and made the time pass quickly as I sat and enjoyed the company from my recliner. A big thing that kept me going that day was knowing that I was going to take another swallowing test the next day. So up till then, I had gone to the ER and found out I had a hole in my esophagus from doing a swallowing test, so they had performed an emergency endoscopy and inserted a stent to try to "patch" up the hole. On Monday, I would find out whether the stent had fixed the hole.

Monday came, the nurses wheeled me down to the radiology department, I took the test, and heard the words "It's still leaking". I was devastated. As soon as I was wheeled back into my room and looked at my mom and Jake, I broke down crying. It was such a feeling of frustration and hopelessness, and I knew I'd have to be in the hospital for at least days longer. The good news is that I "graduated" from the ICU to a regular unit room on the 6th floor, but I was less than excited.

 That was a sucky day. And I was mad. Mad that I'd gotten a hole, mad that the stent didn't work, mad that I had to be there. But these people definitely helped me to be more chipper.

 My amazing sisters-in-laws took the girls in on different days that week so that my mom could spend time with me every day. Then she'd go pick up the girls and bring them to visit me, and that was always the highlight of my days! My sweet little 2 month old (it was hard being away from her cuz I felt like I hardly knew her yet).

 And my little spunky Cam, eating her popsicle. Even though I couldn't eat and everyone else knew to not eat and drink in front of me, Cami was the one exception. It brought me joy. :) Cami was truly my little ray of sunshine....I'd sit on the bench in front of the elevator holding a popsicle when I knew she was coming, just waiting to see her smiling face pop through the doors. I felt like an old lady in a nursing home, waiting so eagerly for her children to visit. :)

Jake made sure my new room was fun and inviting, and although it seemed smaller and more cramped than most rooms, he made it company-friendly. He pulled in some extra recliners and chairs, and we hung up all my pictures again. When Jake's parents came that night, they so brilliantly brought a beautiful real Christmas wreath, and a bag of cinnamon scented pine cones. I had the best smelling room in the whole hospital, I tell ya. That tiny addition made all the difference. I also made sure I had a good stock of chapsticks and lotions on hand, so that I could feel and smell good too. A shower really does make you feel so much better as well!

This is when I started Operation "Take It One Day At a Time". I would have absolutely gone crazy if I hadn't kept reminding myself, "just one day at a time. You can do this." This bag here is what was keeping me alive, and everyone said how much better I looked once they started me on TPN. Look at that big bag of milky goodness!

 I made sure to take lots of walks. Whether it was down the hall, over to the ICU waiting room, or down the elevator to the gift shop, it was always good to get out. And a couple times, I even got to go outside and enjoy the fresh winter air! My mom pushed me in the wheelchair while Brittney pulled my IV stand along, and little Ari walked alongside. We went across the street and down the block to a fantastic view.

 The Capitol Building!

 That was an awesome little excursion. Another time, Clark and Emma pushed me around the block, and I just loved the cold air on my face and the warm blankets on my lap. Getting out really helps you from going insane.

Here are some more visitors that helped brighten my days:

 Allison, Kately, Britt and Ari, Mom and my girls- lts of action to break up a monotonous day!

My sweet friend and MTC companion, Heidi, and my mission president Pres. and Sister Wirthlin came to visit and I loved our conversations. He's such a great man! (He's a Patriarch now, and they have 17 kids. Gems of people)

And then came my birthday on Thursday, December 1st. Whoopeee! My 29th will never be forgotten. But really, it was quite an awesome day, even though it was in the hospital and I was NOT allowed to eat cake.

I LOVED receiving special deliveries throughout the day, and my surgeon actually let me drink a tiny 1 ounce cup of grape juice. It was heavenly! So sweet and tart, after a whole week of drinking nothing. (The point was to see if my drainage turned purple or not, indicating whether the hole was still leaking. It didn't turn purple- yay!) Jake had spent the night the night before, which was fun, and then he came on his lunch with a beautiful bouquet of roses, cards, and Happy Birthday banners to hang in my room. What a guy. I got lots of fun visitors that evening, including Bree and some of her teens from the Boys and Girls Club. They surprised me, she played guitar, and they sang a bunch of songs including Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift diddies.

 That night, we had a little party in the ICU waiting room (my favorite hangout spot) and I was spoiled! Cami lined up all the presents all by herself.

 There's my wonderful in-laws! I loved all their visits- thanks for being so faithful!

Me in all my birthday glory, sporting the first of many headbands.

 Thank you all for making my birthday so special!

 This was my view on the windowsill for the next week, and I loved it. So happy and beautiful!

I even had a sweet CNA named Irene from Scotland, who wanted to make sure I had a fantastic birthday. She came in and made my bed, wrote Happy Birthday on the board, showed me pictures she'd taken of the Festival of Trees because she knew I'd wanted to go, and she even ordered me a gift from the gift shop. A tube of goats milk lotion, and an adorable black headband with red flowers. I loved how she went above and beyond her job and really cared, and I'll always remember that.

After the first week, the 2nd week was relatively easy. I was used to it, in a routine, and knew that I was in the right place getting the care I needed. It helped that it was Christmas time, cuz there was a fun festive feeling in the air, and decorated Christmas trees and decorations in the unit. My mom also made all of us kids a Countdown to Christmas binder, so starting on my birthday, it was fun to read stories from it every night before bed. Jake always came after work and ate some cafeteria dinner, and then hung out with me till about 10. He'd make sure I was comfortable, we'd say a prayer together, and then say good night. Love that man.

I made sure I had fun movies and shows to watch, good music and Book of Mormon CD's to listen to, lots of walks in cozy socks and comfy pants, showers and being pampered by Mom, visitors, chats with nice nurses, good smelling things, and always looking forward to talking to the doctors to get the latest scoop. It was definitely a relief when I took another swallowing test, and the hole wasn't leaking anymore, so I found out I could go home in a couple days.

An end in sight is always a plus. Of course the day of, it takes forever to wait for all the nurses and doctors to do all the discharge stuff, but it feels so good to pack up and go home! I had quite the load- Jake had to take a few trips down to the car. I felt so special being wheeled down the hall and through the building wearing my normal clothes, thinking "Scianara, suckers!" (as I had so longingly watched other patients do).

And of course, after this particular stay, I did have to go back a week later for another 5 day stay for a completely different reason. Silly me. But by then I was a pro, and got settled into my new room and did what had to be done. Just wait it out and take it one....day....at a time. This time, the bonuses were that I could eat and drink, and I had TLC! Yippee! The little things that make a difference.

So although I wouldn't want to go back for one minute, I survived and learned how to live in a hospital, and have a special place in my heart for everyone there who helped me. I am amazed at the strength and courage of patients who have to live there for weeks and months, battling different injuries and illnesses. Bless their hearts. We all learn to deal with the hand that God gives us, I guess. My hand was pretty difficult for awhile, and still is, but life is getting easier. Despite the existing whacko blood level and enourmous dose of Coumadin, intestinal issues, numb hands and feet and still-blind eyes, I'm able to eat almost everything and am slowly gaining weight and energy. I get my stent taken out on February 7, a week from today, which will hopefully just help things improve. I have one request though- no more complications, please. :)