Not a Proud Mom Moment

Yesterday, I had one of my not so proud mom moments. I had sent the girls outside to play, since Cami wanted to ride her bike. Lexi, my precocious little 2 year old, rode her little hot wheels bike, but kept going too far past our house and over to the neighbor's house to take a ball from their yard. After asking Cami to send her inside if she couldn't listen, Lexi came in but then opened the front door and ran right back out. I was in my jammies still (it was that kind of day), but I ran outside and tried to catch up to her on the front lawn. But she didn't stop there...oh no...she went right across the sidewalk into the middle of the road, then down the street a few yards before I could catch her.

With her little legs scampering, she was giggling the whole time. I was so angry, I scooped her up and spanked her bum a few times out of frustration...right as a car drove past to witness the scene.

Here I am, standing on the sidewalk in bare feet, fleece jammie pants, a sweatshirt, and no wig, spanking my child mid-air. What a sight that must have been. And what a pitiful moment for me. I took her inside as quick as I could, and banished her to her crib to cry while I could calm down and catch my breath. (Yup, it totally winded me to get that short burst of exercise).

I hate those times. When I'm angry at my child for disobeying but then I'm more angry at myself for overreacting, or losing my temper, or feeling like a failure. That seems to happen a lot. I wish I could say I was one of those moms who never yells. I wish I could say that praying every morning for patience and an even temper worked. I wish there was a magical way to not let things bother me and not get so worked up about the stupidest stuff.

 

Even Cami gives me advice, bless her heart, from the Daniel the Tiger. "Mom, if you're upset, just do what Daniel the Tiger does and count to ten."

The other day, I was reading 1 Nephi 1:1 to Cami and Lexi at the dinner table. (Jake was working late). We talked about goodly parents, and I asked Cami what she thought that meant. She said "friendly, or good." I said "Yeah! Do you feel like you have good parents?" She said...."Well....no, cuz you get upset with me. You need to learn to be nicer when you're upset, Mom."

Talk about feeling low. I said "Yes I do need to not get upset as often and so easily. I will work on that. But you need to do your part too, to be a good listener, ok?" "Ok". Then a few minutes later, Lexi threw food on the floor and I cried "Lexi, come on!" And Cam said, "Ah ah ah Mom....you need to practice not getting upset, remember? Practice, practice, practice- that's what it takes." Thanks, Cam. :)

I do have my good mom moments. I do fun stuff and read books and play Barbies and color. I paint nails and do hair and sing and kiss and hug. I make healthy food and go fun places and say I love you and teach new things. I feel mighty blessed to be the mother of two sweet, beautiful little girls.

I just wish there didn't have to be so many not so proud mom moments. Sometimes when I'm fighting and arguing and getting so frustrated with my 4 year old, I think "Holy cow, how is it going to be when she's 15??" Parenting is a rather daunting task. So many unsureties and worries and regrets and responsibility! And it's only just begun.

Every night, when I go into my girls' room and tuck them in, and watch their sweet, innocent sleeping faces, I think back on the day. Sometimes, I feel like "ahhh...we had a good day". And sometimes I feel like "daaaang...I wish I could do this and that over." But the good thing is, there's always tomorrow. And there's always the opportunity to laugh.