My Hair Story- Totally Wiggin' Out

I went to the temple the other night. It was lovely. We are lucky enough to live right down the street from the Jordan River Temple, and make it a goal to go at least once a month. Jake and I made a date of it, but we were kind of rushed with finishing dinner, the babysitter coming, and getting out the door. So I didn't wear my wig.

Have I told you I wear a wig? Yup....I do. For about ohhh 8 months now. It's weird being 31 and wearing a wig. Really weird. But I thought I'd show the evolution of my becoming a wig wearer. It's kind of interesting to see the pictures, anyways. 

Here I am on my birthday in 2010, turning 28. This was right before I got pregnant with Lexi Lou. Healthy (aside from the trouble with swallowing), happy, and with my long, luscious locks. I'm also eating my favorite former food....Sampan Chinese egg rolls, hot and sour soup, and won ton strips. Mmmmm I can taste it right now.

 In my 2nd pregnancy, I cut my hair shorter, but it was still all there. After I had Lexi in September, it started thinning. It got thinner and thinner, and people started commenting on how it looked lighter. Like a strawberry blonde. Nope...there was just less of it there. Then when I was in the hospital in December 2011 after the esophagus surgery and complications, I really started losing it. I remember standing in the shower of my hospital room, and seeing big clumps of hair in the drain. It was depressing and disturbing, accompanied with all my other health issues at the time and not being able to eat or even drink water. A man came in my hospital room once. I don't even remember what his purpose was, but he worked there doing something....and he said "ahhh yeah, losing your hair. Just be sure not to touch it, wash it too much, or brush it. It'll fall out faster if you do." Thanks, sir.

I found ways to deal with it, such as wearing lots of cute hats. (Like this one that Carrianne gave me for my birthday).

But eventually it got too thin and wispy to wear down. So I started pulling it back every day and wearing a headband. My friend Kathie crocheted like 6 of these adorable headbands for me, and I love them dearly. They especially came in handy because the flower covered the spot that was thinning the most. They gave me confidence and made me feel cute.

But alas, then the time came for me to chop it off. In June, 2012, I went to Supercuts, and with visions of a cute, stylish pixie cut, this is what I was left with.

How depressing and sad! But it sure was easy to manage for a change. So then I rocked the hats some more. This was a hat I wore to church a few times. Who wears hats at church?? I didn't know which was more uncomfortable...being the girl in the congregation with the silly hat, or being the girl with the balding head. This picture was taken right before I got a feeding tube in my nose that stayed there for 5 months.

Me and my sweet baby, in June. Church hat.

Me and my sweet man, my constant supporter in all of this. I couldn't ask for a more loving, accepting, non-judging friend and companion. Love you, Jacob.

My hair grew a little bit, so that it looked half decent day to day. This was on my 30th birthday. (Without feeding tube- yay!)

A couple months later, I went to Bree's favorite salon lady and she worked some magic and gave it actual style. It looked cute but I felt weird, like an impostor. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it up on my own. (Who can EVER make it look like they do at the salon the day of your haircut??)

So I just embraced having short hair, wearing lots of headbands, sometimes hats, and feeling semi normal. We took family pictures, and I didn't mind the way my hair looked. Especially with my trusty flower. 

My health had improved in the last year, in that I gained weight and had more energy, but the extreme bloating remained. And my hair began to thin again. On vacation last summer in 2013, I realized how bad it looked and had gotten. Long wispy hairs could not be hidden by a headband. (This is the headband that a lady gave me outside a frozen yogurt shop, because she said she felt like I could use it back when I still had long hair. It was sad but super touching).

The time finally came when I knew I needed help. I needed a wig. I had no idea where to look or how to choose and wear one. But Jake's cousin, Brooke, owns her own salon at home and contacted me, saying that she had a wig I could wear. I was a little leery at first. I think I turned her down initially. But I eventually contacted her and said Ok, I succumb! I need it!

I went to her house and she was so sweet to let me try it on and just sit there in the salon chair, staring at myself in the mirror.

I cried. It was sad. Happy that I had cute, stylish, brown hair to wear...but sad that I had to.

Sad that it had come to this. What 30 year old is forced to wear a wig, without any good valid medical reason!?

I couldn't claim cancer as the reason. I couldn't explain it, other than I'd lost almost all my hair and didn't know why. Malabsorption, vitamin deficiency, anemia, zero estrogen....weird medical mysteries that no doctors could figure out. And still can't.

I'm really grateful to Brooke though. She was kind, and understanding, and encouraging. She cut the wig a little and highlighted it to be closer to my natural color, and brought it to my house that same day. What a sweetheart. I was grateful to have a new option. A new beginning.

But it did feel weird. Physically...weird because wigs are hot and itchy and uncomfortable, especially in the summer. And weird because I felt like an impostor again. Like it wasn't me, like I was pretending to be someone else. I didn't know what people thought of me...if they accepted it or thought it was weird. Everyone was really supportive and complimentary though. Some people didn't even recognize me at first. I was torn...on one hand I felt new confidence, but on the other hand I was constantly self conscious of whether people could tell it was a wig.

So I kind of gave up on the wig. It was hard to wear my glasses with it, and the bangs were constantly getting in my eyes. I sported the short, pitiful hair again for a month or so.

Then last September, my mother-in-law Emma asked if I wanted to pick out a new wig. She would be happy to take me wig shopping and help me pick it out and buy it! How sweet is that. She said she just wanted me to feel comfortable and more like myself. 

So one day, we went wig shopping. Creative Wigs in South Jordan was our salon of choice, and they had tons of cute styles (with not so cute prices) to choose from. Behold, the array!

(I had fun making this collage. Haha). I felt more confident this time, and it helped to have Emma, my dear sister Brittney, and our girls along to help in the decision. I totally trust Brittney's style and opinion, so I felt good having her there. The ladies working there were all really nice too. They kept bringing me wig after wig, I would try it on, snap a shot, and move on. Can you spot which one I decided on?

*ding ding ding* Second one from the left on the bottom. It was a toss up between that one and the wig on the bottom and top right. They both made me feel pretty, normal, comfortable, and happy. I chose the longer one because it has a lace front, which means it blends in with my natural hair at the hairline so it's almost impossible to tell that I'm wearing a wig!

So here I am.

I wear a wig. Most of the time. Sometimes if I'm feeling frisky and throwing caution into the wind, I go without it. Usually I wear it to go out in public, and then I'll take it off while I'm at home. No matter how good quality a wig is, it's still an itchy, constricting wig. Part of my getting ready routine includes "putting on my hair", which phrase always makes Cami laugh. Both girls are so cute and accepting of however I look. When I first started wearing it, though, Lexi would get excited when I'd go to put it on and she'd say "Wib! Wib! You wear your wib, mama?" Cutie patooties.